Little Vlad Norathar
by rct
Summary: *Spoilers if you haven't read Orca* This is a story about Little Vlad Norathar, and the problems he has as he grows up. Snicker, snicker. I think this is the only Dragaera story with no slash. No more flames, they're lowering my self esteem.


Hi! This has, go figure, no slash! Hoorah! It tells of the life of little Vlad Norathar. He has lots of problems, and they're all his parents' fault! Hooray! HAHAHAHA! Oh, yes, and I'm really Steven Brust in disguise, so I own Dragaera, NOT! Hhahahahahah!! Okay! Read this or die slowly and painfully!  
  
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One day, little Vlad Norathar was at Happy Eastern Kindergarten in South Adrilankha. He was learning all sorts of new things!  
His mommy had sent him there so he could become a Happy Community Leader who was Educated. Little Vlad Norathar didn't know what that meant, so he just smiled.   
  
Anyway, on this day in the Happy Eastern Kindergarten, little Vlad Norathar was learning new words.  
  
" You," said Bobby Yshfngl, another little kindergartener, " are an illegitimate child!"  
  
" Yeah!" chorused all the other little kindergarteners.  
  
"No, I'm not!" said little Vlad Norathar, who didn't know what that meant.  
  
"Then where is your daddy?" said Sally Thorangreneryt.  
  
Little Vlad Norathar replied, "He is on the run from the Jhereg with his Great Weapon, Lady Teldra, and is having fun adventures and fighting bad guys!"  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" all the little children said.  
  
"Yup," said little Cindy Ragnorgandold, "he are a iwwigitimate child."  
  
Now, although little Vlad Norathar didn't know what that meant, he was very offended, so he naturally started to cry. He ran home to his mommy and told her what had happened.  
  
"Mommy," he sniffed, "they called me a iwwigitimate child!!"  
  
"It's okay, little Vlad Norathar," said his mommy, "they didn't mean it."  
  
So little Vlad Norathar was happy again, and went outside to beat up littler children with his imaginary friends, Tommy Uhgjalandeer and Penny Pylangrater.  
  
When little Vlad Norathar was six years old, he started first grade at Happy Eastern Elementary Communist Learning Facility. He made lots of real friends there.  
  
"So," said little Vlad Norathar to his bestest friend Joey Kringaalafet, "why is your name Joey Kringaalafet?"  
  
Little Joey Kringaalafet said, "Because my brother's name is Kringaalafet Joey."  
  
"Ohhh," said little Vlad Norathar.  
  
"Why is your name Vlad Norathar?" asked Joey Kringaalafet.  
  
"Because my father, who I have never met, is named Vlad, and my mother's Dragaeran friend is named Norathar."  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU'RE NAMED AFTER YOUR ILLIGITIMATE FATHER AND A GIRL DRAGAERAN!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"  
  
After that, Vlad Norathar went back to imaginary friends.  
  
When little Vlad Norathar was eleven, his mommy sent him to Happy Eastern Secondary Happy School For Happy Boys and Happy Girls.  
  
There, little Vlad Norathar met Gregg Hishlambereng. Gregg Hishlambereng wasn't very nice to little Vlad Norathar.  
  
One day, Gregg Hishlambereng said to little Vlad Norathar, "My dad told me your illigitimate father got an Imperial title."  
  
Little Vlad Norathar said, "That's because my dad is the coolest!"  
  
But Gregg Hishlambereng disagreed.  
"No, your dad is a traitor who consorts with Dragaerans!"  
  
By this time, all the other little happy boys and girls had come over to watch. They said, "Yeaaah!!!"  
  
"Nuh uh!" shouted little Vlad Norathar. "My dad is probably having a book series written about him somewhere!"  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" shouted all the little children.  
  
So little Vlad Norathar wasn't a very happy little child.  
  
When little Vlad Norathar was fourteen, his politically active mommy sent him to Happy Eastern High Happy School, or HEHHS. There he learned even more things.  
  
One day, Little Vlad Norathar was eating lunch in the Happy Eastern Cafeteria, when all the happy little children all started throwing food at him.  
  
"Stop!" little Vlad Norathar wailed nasally, sounding like a total wimp.  
  
"No!" shouted all the little children.  
  
"This is for having no father!" shouted a happy little girl.  
  
"This is for your stupid name!" shouted a happy little boy.  
  
"AND THIS IS FOR YOUR OVERALL SUCKYNESS!!!" shouted all the little children together.  
  
After that, little Vlad Norathar developed a nervous facial tic.  
  
THE END!!!  
  
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Oh, and please don't try to find a deep inner meaning to this fic, BECAUSE IT DOSEN'T HAVE ONE. Hooray!! La lala la!  
  
^_^ 


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